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trust and nothingness
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May 15, 2022 8:07 PM

as i walk across the a traffic intersection i see a car approaching the crosswalk, and we acknowledge each other's existence. after that, i pay no heed to the driver of the car, to the possibility of being run over. no strain of suspicion. [although perhaps one feels they should be. [ref redundancy], [ref constant dread of annihilation], which may point to trauma or trust issues].

i realize it is because of trust. i trust the driver SO completely that even the idea of trust is null and void.

that is to say- the complete existence and embodiment of trust is exactly the same as the absence of the concept itself.

because if, as i were walking, had only SOME trust, or A LOT of trust, i would turn around and look at the driver. to have the concept of trust in mind is to also bring up the possibility of worry. a little trust would make me turn around. a little trust is dualistic to a little mistrust. complete trust is non existence of the dualism itself.

i trust the driver so completely that the idea of trust simply doesn’t exist. its not in my consciousness. i find that so fascinating. a paradox yet makes complete sense. transcentience?

wonder if this ties i to consciousness itself. existence is so complete that the very idea of conceltualizing existence is to disparage it?

that is the say, complete trust is the absence of trust in some sense. its simply just being.

and this idea of completeness and nothingness as something that goes hand in hand applies to everything-trust, patience, immersion.

maybe this is a seperate essay--

it's interesting how friendships have the power to destroy loved- in that we tell/share our best friends all of our darkest humor, secrets, vulnerabilities, kids,  bank account info (if they are especially your best friends). so if they wanted to they could destroy our lives. we lay the tools of self destruction to our friends/m- and that in a fucked uo way is the definition of friendship. but the hallmark of frirenfship is the trust to not destroy our friends lives in spite of having such tools to do so- jordan peterson talks about how the true saint is the one who has the powers and capability to destroy and do evil- but CHOOSES not to. a person who doesn't have the capability is not truely good/ or as good- as he doesn't have the tools to do so, so he can't conquer his inner evil in some sense. to conquer the evil is the good, not just having only good itself.

you can go further and say that the entire universe/god has the capability to destroy us at any moment, but does not, and we trust that it does not- hence why we aren't always crawling with anxiety at every moment being paranoid of the universe collapsing every second (it's funny cause i do have this low level fear- generalized anxiety). we live our lives completely oblivious to such a proposition- because we trust in life so completely that we exist and will continue to exist the next second without the universe stalling us whole.

this concept of “nothingness” in trust etc, applies to racism and disabled people too- you want a color blind society, you want to make race a non issue, such that it turns into nothingness. in the same way when i see a post like this: (amputation example)

what you actually want is to not be treated differently. the dad that has both legs amputated like in the above photo should not get more respect than a dad with both his legs. he is equal, and not to be patronized. thus the disability turns into nothingness..

and interest take on nothingness for sure.

link to essay on how friendship has the power to destroy, etc:

and thus embedded in trust is the power and choice to destroy, but you don't. THAT is trust and love.

to be truly patient is to not have any concept of patience at all. (separate essay?) think this is a sep essay maaybe - on completeness is nothingness. like a good actor captivates the audience into believing she really is that person, (scully), or according to alan watts how the self that is so complete would feel like no self. to feel one’s teeth is an indication of there being something wrong with the teeth.

like to essay on friendships have the power to destroy (is that this essay?)

as such, to be a good person is to have the power to do evil but opt not to, to have the entire sun in the palm of your hands and not make it burn out (god). god at any moment can swallow the entire universe, yet chooses not to.

flipping the script—evil only exists insofar as the person has the ability to end a suffering, or to not make suffering worse, but chooses to cause suffering. evil had the capacity to do good, but decides to do the bad. and thus you cannot have friendship without the embed or option for evil, and vice versa (reference

). and also thus evil may not exist in the first place since we may not have free will (reference free will essay), since to do evil is to have the choice to do good but not to. which means goodness and virtue can be argued to not exist either, and thus may suggest amorality in this cosmos, (ref nihilism) but this isn't the case; as reality is so complex, who is to say what is ultimately good or bad (ref potential essay like that alan watts quote on multiple orders of being, and on one level there is disquiet; but another level there is harmony.)

we see this trust and nithingsss manifest everywhere. i.e the grocery store. we trust that the food on the shelves are safe to eat etc. most people don't bat an eye about that.

as such, this makes me question what nothingness really is- it seems like "everythingness" too then. it is one and the same. and as such it calms my fears of nothingness (ref. essay). i need not be afraid of nothingness-as it seems like an i strains of property of completeness

anyone with keys to my account has the capacity to destroy a lot

anyone with keys to my heart has the capacity to destroy everything

that is the trust.

as such, a mark of a good friendship is his/her ability to completely destroy someone's life, but chooses not to. to be good is to have the capacity for great evil but choose not to enact such evil.

when i see the little child, the little child has no concept of trust for his parents, he simply just knows. to the point where even the idea of trust infiltrates the very purity and essence of trust. if a little child had to question if he could trust his parents - it would be a symptom of abuse, not intelligence or awareness.

in the same way, if you can feel your lungs when you breathe, something is wrong. or if you can feel your eyes when you see, something is wrong. if you can sense of your self as you live, something is wrong.

so therefore do love and indifference go hand in hand? do they work together? flips the script of what "opposites mean", as they said opposite of love is not hate but indifference. but that has a negative flair to it. rather, one can see it as they go hand in hand.