file name
there is no crowd
last edit
May 15, 2022 8:11 PM
Date Created
May 28, 2021 10:04 PM

as i walk across the highway in the sidewalk, next to a red traffic light. i get the strange ego of anxiety that everyone in their cars is staring at me. it sort of feels like a monolith of attention facing my way, a sort of conglomerate dragon that has turned its fierce gaze at me.

but i must remember...everyone's experience is solipsistic, meaning that there is no aggregate crowd, simply a collection of singular perspectives looking at me

  • this is why fame is an illusion
  • this is why one needn't have social anxiety
  • or be afraid to give a speech in front of an audience.
  • there only ever is just one singular perspective.
  • that is why one is all and all is one
  • that is why to change one life is to change humanity.
  • and this singular perspective can indeed succumb to a higher order groupthink that emerges from the supposed crowd. a self emergent social doctrine that manifests itself.
  • the idea of being in the know..is an illusion, that you are talked about, that you are part of some general level of awareness, or part of a collective awareness with other famous people- is an illusion.

that's not to say that characters and archetypes don't exist. they do, but are not dependent on the level or number of people who are aware of it/them.

  • reference to solipsism
  • i've always found myself outsourcing or [opposoite of projecting] other people's feelings onto me. like say if i'm watching a video with a group of people, i am worrying about how the group as a whole is enjoying the video, or i base my opinion on something based on what i would have believed to be the collective group consensus (is this groupthink?). the problem is that if everyone in the group did this, they would not arrive at the true consensus. for they are referencing a phantom, a hoax, a ghost, a shell of an entity. this is why movies that are so polished and refined end up feeling empty, or music that is so denuded of rawness to appease the phantom crowd sounds empty and bland.

this isn't the same thing as saying that to please everyone is to please no one, to find a common denominator amongst all is to find nothing. no it's not that. it's that if everyone was truly honest, and had self reliance and woke up from the dream of being attached to some group identity, you actually would please everyone with your authentic art. or at least it would speak to them at some level.

as scorsese says, what is most personal is most successful (or something along those lines).