existential_014

existential_014

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live
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DARK
last edit
Jul 16, 2021 7:53 AM
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1105

If I have the courage to follow through on the breakdown of will, to go down the rabbit hole, I come to a revelation that I have no reason to be terrified over the non-existence of free will. As it turns out, the tram-lines of existence that usurp my free will--Logic, Reason, Mathematics--have my best interest in mind. Imagine a universe in which the substrate of Logic leads me to the tallest water fountain despite my short height. Imagine a universe where it is most logical for people to randomly hurl themselves off bridges without cause. It doesn't make sense. It would be a surreal universe that is maladaptive, satirical, and downright harrowing.

Therein lies a congruence between the lack of free will and the optimization of my existence. These substrates of reality work with me--not against me. They are pro-adaptive to my health and the betterment of my being. There is something benevolent about being attracted to the most optimal water fountain. A sense of camaraderie. A trust. A flourishing. A feeling of being nested in love.

I cannot help but be logical, and this is good news. Rationality is, in some sense, a benevolent being that lures me around. I am a puppet to Logic and Reason. And it is in my best interest to be so. It is a beautiful and righteous source code of reality. So paradoxically, I would not want a free will that deviates from such substrates.

Determinism may be strange but it is also beautiful. To glimpse self-emerging phenomena in creation is one of the hallmarks of beauty. When things build upon themselves self-referentially, it is awe-inspiring. There is no effort. It feels seamless. It feels authentic, just, and sincere. Simply put, it feels "right". Trees, with their infinite complexity and beauty, simply grow out of themselves. There is a wisdom to be learned from, from trees. It calls into question my neuroticism. I need not be so anxious and conscientious all the time. I can build a natural appreciation for trust out of letting things arise as they should.

This also deepens my perception of other conscious minds. It elevates a person from the mundane to the sublime. My understanding of humans, and all beings for that matter, from such a philosophy, transforms them into manifestations of Logic that self-express and self-grow. People become vessels of mystery--automatic entities that express primordial substrates with each action. I feel this when I listen to ambient music and gaze at people. They appear and disappear in and out of my purview like self-exploring, self-maintaining entities that express life.

This philosophy also simplifies things. If I embody the notion that free will does not exist, many problems in the world become more collatable and quantifiable. It becomes clear that past events and experiences propagate into future intentions, choices, and desires. It deflates evil to nothing but bad programming and prior conditioning. The problem of retribution becomes obvious. Those who commit crimes are themselves a victim of their surroundings and genetics that cultivated otherwise reprehensible motives. This renders a compassionate lens to those who society treats as degenerates.

I learn to be more compassionate towards those with whom I would otherwise have contempt. To be angry or jealous or annoyed at something becomes irrational. Those who do annoy me cannot help but annoy me, and I cannot help but be annoyed. It is all just programming. And the awareness of this is freeing, not entrapping. And the irony is that once I espouse such a philosophy, my annoyance of others deflates.

Determinism also yields to self-compassion. I need not live in regret of past decisions. I need not hate myself for what I am. My actions are that of Logic itself. I am, in essence, an offspring of the universe, and that all my visions and ambitions are that of the universe. Me following through on my vision is actually the universe wanting it to actualize. Logic, Reason, Mathematics, and all primordial substrates—I am that. I was sprung out of them. I grew into, out of, and in between these systems. In some sense, I am simply a beaker of consciousness in which the universe resides in and radiates. And thus what is best for Logic to express itself is what is best for me. I do not have Logic. Rather, I am a son of logos.

Reality becomes a mysterious program running its course, laced with pathways across all directions, leading to good and bad outcomes, dead-ends, backdoors, ramps, and explorations. There is a blissful awareness in witnessing this automaticity. No effort. Things feel flow-like. There is a letting go of my mind to something higher than myself. A weight has been taken off my shoulders. An unbearable lightness of being. A collapse of one's run-ins with reality. I cannot take anything personally anymore. If somebody does not like me, neither I nor they ever had any say in that. It is simply Logic expressing its dissonances and pathways. It is less weight on my shoulders A freedom from self-concern. A loss of persona narrative, and resting in something deeper. Therein lies a beautiful facet of depersonalization. A depth of being that I do not know, but that I can rest in, knowing that it is of love.

It is only when I let my personal beliefs get in the way of these systems of existence that things become smeared. The conviction in a false understanding of free will can be like a negative feedback loop in one’s mind, causing languish and turmoil. It is like throwing a wrench in the perfect, beatific natural system. My sense of self is essentially a thorn that comes in the way of total alignment with being. By definition, to be separate from reality is to be separate from flow. To feel at odds with reality. A noise in the signal.

Determinism makes reality more mysterious. There is a driving force behind all things. It compels me to search. To chase the deeper realities. To find the source code under all things. It puts me in more awe of life. More reverence. A mysterious headspace. to see things as an automatic dance.

And because of this, because Logic and Reason are good, and because they are intrinsic to existence, it leads me to believe that being itself--to be--is good. That existence is non-neutral. The arrow of time points to the good. To the better. To the flourishing of being.