embedded in the 5 year old childs existence is the existence of the 74 year old. it is in his destiny to be so, under normal conditions.
thus, i, as a young man, cant look at an old man and laugh and say ha! you are old, youre on your way out. because that man was once me, and thus IS me. and i AM him. i am to be an older man, and thus i see myself in him. and thus the archetye of the young man and old man shatter or fuse.
i am a young man and old man at the same time then, with this awareness.
inside every new child is death by old age.
i am all ages. and this is terrifying, because despite my apparant youth. i know embedde din this youth is old age and death.
when i look back at childhood photos of older people like my grandparents, i still see them as old people. just smaller, more pert. and now when i see childhood photos of my friends, they look like old people now. just
we have a whole fetishism for youth and makeup and anti aging (this is its own essay). degradation. corrosion. trying to forget about annihilation.
when i was young i used to think all adults were always adults, etc.
so existential seeing old and young al pacino...two completely different people..strains of people...like a phantom..like tha racecar game with ramana...ghost like
unless of course one kills themselves at a young age. then they remain young forever. their identity would have been of a young person forever. and there is something to be said about that. but there is no nobility in that. there is nobility in growing old. to experience the entire gamut of one's identity and experience (ref: not changing guitar strings).