What I went through in the acid trip was a black hole.
Perhaps panic attacks have event horizons too. A point of no return. When I’m in a panic attack, there is a trigger point, that’s the first horizonn. I get derealized, things spin, and im in some sort of test.
The acid trip seems to have recalibrated me in some sense.
As I sit here in Singapore, I feel a greater appreciation of there being something rather than nothing.
- a fear of a discontinous subjectivity. A fear of feeling an on/off switch in some sense.
- i learned that annihalation is a self fulfilling prophecy
-see document you wrote on it..saved in documents i think.
in 2015 i dropped acid and it alteted my life forever. several months ths post acid i had several panic attacks, flashbacks and existential dreadful thoughts that i could not escape from, and i still can't escape from. i thought i had become inept, non functional and had ruined my life. these essays are thoughts and discoveries from that acid trip
it seemed like the acid trip answered questions i had no questions for - and after the trip i became infiltrated with these questions.