file name
last edit
Nov 26, 2021 9:16 PM


why do people smile for the camera? to pose itself is to give a lie.  if photos are to represent snapshots of reality for memory- then there's an element of self deception at play here. there's an element of facade here. an act. an implantation of false memories as i looks back at these photos of things being smiley. there is something rather joker/pyschopathic this about it.

we fetishize happiness as a society and thus artificially inseminate happiness and smiles. as if happiness was the goal of life. most films made have happy endings. we gravitate towards resolution in drama, tv shows, films, and games. we want to “defeat the bad guy”. we consider stories to be good if it leads to development, improvement or wellbeing of the characters. most music resolves from instability to the tonic root. seems rather superficial. we seek happiness, are sold happiness. and we avoid pain and depression as if these were evils. we treat “bad” as “bad” and not as a necessary, integral force of life. we stigmatize everything that's not happy. we see everything that is not happy, depression as a problem. a contributing reason why depression feels so stabbing is because we think it's not the way things are supposed to be. embedded in terms like depersonalization”disorder” etc is the idea that we shouldn't be like that. we see schizophrenia as just mental illnesses and not as backdoors to the mind. way it does is because of our

rather, depression or anxiety may be pathways, forward i to something deeper. a deeper realm. the enlightened person is not smiling. he is quietly confident. our chase for happiness is a dragon eating it's own tail.

there is nothing wrong with me for being depressed. reality is a vat of confusion. anxiety is reality. in some sense- one can't help be anxious about reality. it is a feature, not flaw, of reality.


What I believe is the true agitator is that this doesn’t feel right or normal, like maybe a second puberty- like growing, although this time, theres nobody to normalize or reassure you.