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fix: i did not create myself illusion of ownership. surgery_ the horror of anesthesia
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Nov 26, 2021 9:16 PM

if i didn't create myself, that either something else created me (nature, mother) or that phenomena are self emergent- with no author- then one cannot take credit for their talent, hard work, skillset, intelligence. in fact, nobody owns intelligence. nobody owns logic. Do you ever truly own anything? Since you seem to have nothing to do with your own existence, do you really own your own existence if you had nothing to do with bringing yourself into existence, but rather you spontaneously just arrived?

  • another essay- i did create myself.

to go further do you own your body? does one ever truly belong in a group identity

what does it mean to own something? it's not like the object assimilates into you. it sits there in space. just like you sit there i space. where is the signature of ownership in tis space of consciousenss. and what is it? what does it mean? and do i have dominion over things, or do things have dominion over me? at all times i am touching something.

i can never not touch something. such a realization is terrifying because it means i need objects more than they need me. the script of control and ownership is flipped. i am but a mind being propated through the world of objects, being magnetized by them. i am but a puppet.

also talk about how the idea of ownership is based on a complex of hierarchy and our dominion over objects. i think i own the guitar and that i control it- but it is a two way street. it owns me and controls me as i control it. we are in constant negotiation and interaction with things. the idea of dominion is an illusion. i cannot take credit for anything, simply beca

in some sense. my thoughts are not my own. my music is not my own. i don't own harmony. etc

can i ever take credit for anything?

and thus, can i take responsibility for anything too?

nobody owns history. and nobody wrote history. nobody is responsible for history. things are self emergent, and in some sense pushed and pulled- automatic. one cannot take responsibility nor ownership. when one dies, there is. i thing one takes wjth them- in some sense, they were never born,as he was born from nothing, is nothing, and dies into nothing. and as such, one cannot take responsibility for what happened in history either

its not like

-that i did not create myself —this is my shield against vulnerability, against taking things personally, against fears putting myself out there, against fears of showing my face (philosophy as a tool).


that i didnt create the way i look, but neither did you, or anyone. how one can take credit for ones beauty, or derive pride from it. or even to chastise those who look different everyone is walking around with bodies and apperances they absiolutely had no say in nor even know, yet assume the position, and embody it. this is terryfing because it leads to a dissassociative outlook on people and myself. people are walking avatars. fear of losing touch with relationships with family and known people, because they are not what they look like.