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Nov 26, 2021 9:17 PM


where is my face?

as i stare into a mirror- i take my right index


finger and slowly point it closer and closer to where i think my face is.

but i cannot seem to locate it. i can point to my eyes. i can touch my nose. i can feel my lips. i can pull my ears. but i cannot seem to find my face.

truly speaking, my self perception relies a lot on my face. but the irony is that i can never see my face, only a mirror.

my identity and self perception are latched on to a hologram in some sense. a projection of what i think my face looks like. it is in some sense not real.

so there comes two conclusions. i can reduce who i am fown into nothingness, or i can expand myself to include wveryrhing that is in my awareness. i am nkthing or everyrhinf.

it seems as though my face is decrealized, with a multifaceted array of elements that comprise my face, but i still treat it as one singular entity.

in some sense, my face is like a ghost, because i cannot touch it, but i can see it.perhaos my brain, through evolution, has been conditioned to render faces from certain patterns of objects.

if we were to break down these objects..and zoom in, we will not find a face. there is no face.

i can try a similar experiment with any object around me. i can point to my glass, but if i move closer and closer to it, there is no glass. it seems as though as one observes more

carefully, things and concepts collapse down into something inconvievable.

as you reduce everything down, you see that there will always be smaller things to make it up.

if i stare at my hand, where is it? where is "hand"?. there is no hand. it is a phantom of an object. a conceptual framework.

in some sense identity and our views of the world are phantom like, not actually material.

can i ever truly ever breakmyself down and find myself?

like breaking down everything that makes jordan (ravi’s friend). white, beard, glasses, 6'1", etc etc etc. every angle of his face (are there infinite?)

can i truly ever break down and parse what makes you, you?

hints at multiverse and devs- like it may be a jesus from a history, but not our jesus from our history. a hair difference. but it still wouldn't be our jesus.

truly speaking, i am faceless. what happens if i pour acid on my face, will i become less of me? my self perception may die but i will still be alive ironically.

also this is a bit of a digression..but even a hair difference is a significant difference, for each piece of hair has millions of par to does in it. who is anyone to say a piece of hair is small and jupiter is big? for each entity is an entire universe with its own system of existence, a harmony of different entities working to produce an existence of an entity. is there truly a big or a small?

  • -or perhaps to break it down is to overlook the beauty of someone in the first place. this analysis may be a non sequiter of the obvious beauty of a female face.

perhaps my dads face is my dads face- there's this immaterial substrate of love that identity when i see my dads face- and that has remained true (grown) over the years. thus one must not dismiss the underlying substrate that emerges from the face, for it carries with it beauty and awe. i disagree with sam harris that one shouldnt even identity with one’s face. there is something so amazing, complex, beautiful and diverse in the myriad of identifiable faces in species...

when i meditate on the air con, as i zoom in i start to pick up on the harmonics that's make up the air con.

the idea of the fallacy of categorizing everything- like if i were to parse and analysis my friend - i could say he is a white, male, mid 20s, blonde, likes music etc. but i don't see that. i just see my friend. in the same way i never saw a black idol of mine as black, just as my idol. i just saw him for a guitar player, or better yet, i saw him for him. his irreducible identity. i never saw myself as a guitar player and still don't, i just see me as an artist.

  • also- linking to the zooming out essay and differentiation. we see ants as all the same, but if we zoom in to their level, their micro/macro level of being, we se the differential. as such, if you zoom out, one can see all human faces and humans as the same.

Sam harris says one cannot and should not identitfy with ones face...but if we live in such a dissasosiative state, how does one be attracted to anothe rhuman being…?