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shadow of death
last edit
Nov 26, 2021 9:17 PM

There is a quality of sameness to everything. Like everything is just clouds coming in and passing by and fading out. Also depersonalization. I get what i want, at the cost of my soul. So when i ask for something is seemingly amazing and grandiose and full at first, when i get it it seems like the trade off is that it deflates, it feels empty. It feels underwhelming. Thus i am no longer excited about many things, but nor need i be. For excitement is energy expended in the future. I rank low on enthusiasm. There is a quiet confidence in me now. Knowing i can do anything i set my mind to.

Things feel holographic and dream like. An essence of bliss and nothingness. And no self. Godlike.

either these events would have happened anyway; or i manifested them...i can never know for sure.

it seems so natural and ordinary. pedestrian almost. nothing seemingly supernatural.