file name
yearning experiences
last edit
Dec 17, 2021 9:34 PM

as i quickly walk across the lobby- it smells so good. only lasts a second since i'm walking past the lobby.

to try and cling onto it would negate its allure. it is a great experience only because it's passing.

and i remember writing something similar when i was outside at night in front of the pearl city centre building walking in. think i was talking about the moon, and how the intermittent fleeting experience of gazing at the moon is amazing, and to go back to it to try and relive or elongate the experience or to try and soak in more of it or absorb it more would actually be an insult to the experience or an impurity of the experience-since 1) the fleeting moment is what made is so good...the scarcity of it etc and the preciousness of it 2) to try and go back and cling on it would suggest that the first experience you had wasn't enough or that it wasn't complete

lie the feeling of yearning of wanting to see more of it IS PART of the original experience itself. and perhaps one is not supposed to follow through with that yearhing - for that will actually counterintuively diminish the experience. this goes for several scenes in movies, and even food. to follow through would be to admit a sort of cheapening or loss of depth. to yearn for something, to want to see it more, fosters and implants good memories of the thing. to go back to it adds mundanity, and a diminished marginal return/utility. to relive the experience would be an admission of its lack. a cheapening. a hindrance to its glory.

and i'm sure i can link this to composition...

and i see this manifest in music and in film. a certain motif, composition that wishes it could be heard more and more,and the lisitener wishes they could hear it more and more, or a composition wishes it were explored and exploited more and more. (does this ref to the idea that certain music calls for the listener to hear it more and more so new discoveries can be made, or things that are purposefully hidden or complex in both film and musi so it calls for repeated viewing? i think this is a different point)

there is a potency in the void of not doing so. a potency in the unbecoming unrealized potential that always hangs there. a promise of sorts? promise, hope and potential always being "there" r "far away in the distance" (machine city ref, area consciousness, the idea of far away distance arising in the same space of consciousness).

actually create a framework with this.

i can use this philsoophy as a tool. it makes me less neurotic, knowing that the yearning is part of the preciousness of the experience itself. and thus applies to everything - whether i listen to a good song, or a good book, or even when i write - i get feelings of making sure i write with precision and completeness, and i often have yearning experiences where i wish i could have elaborated futher, but the fact that i yearn to do this to infinite showcases how profound the idea is, and how leaving the writing makes me feel like there was a depth to it.