What I went through in the acid trip was a black hole.
Perhaps panic attacks have event horizons too. A point of no return. When I’m in a panic attack, there is a trigger point, that’s the first horizonn. I get derealized, things spin, and im in some sort of test.
a panic attack feels like a test,
there's a feeling of "click"
and having to meditate to get back to reality
what if that's what reality is anyway
what we are all doing
invariably and unconsciously meditating.
that we are all meditating on some levels at all times.
that panic attacks lead to a black hole
that the ego is a black hole.
or within a mind lies a black hole
and that is ego
but i went in it..and came back out
possibly to a mirror of reality, holograph
but which is the same thing as reality itself
and therefore is reality
like i came back in to the exact same thing.
reality itself is a mirror of itself.
and as such, panic attacks reveal something about the nature of consciousness
and panic attacks cause derealization, as if there were levels of it....
as if one needs to be sucked in the black hole to remove all impurities of consciousness so one comes out enlightened. and this happened to me during the trip, a feeling of "wanting to go back" after coming down from the trip and after the black hole experience, as if i wanted to attain some level of awareness upon coming down, but i was still panicking. and it's strange how i came out without any taint on my consciousness (or did i?)—as if this experience was a feature of consciousness, not a glitch. it was so perfect night terms of process.
there's something to be learned from panic attacks, a realization, awakening. that's panic attacks reveal something. point to something. and lead to something