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Jul 5, 2021 10:47 PM
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i am nowhere

source code/origin

what does it mean to be "from somewhere"?

like i'm from america!

what does that mean? means you're from a certain XY coordinate in the universe? does that even make sense? esecialllt one you seemingly didn't choose?

not to say borders shooildjt exist. self emergent group identities and cultures (like family) should be protected. there is pragmatic reasons why we differentiate between people- this isn't what i'm questioning. it's more so just origin.

from a first person perspective. you simply came into being. spontaneously so as well. you didn't come from “anywhere”..

it's like asking- where did the universe come from? it's a nonsense question.

talk about how it's funny that people take pride in coming from somewhere- as if they chose it or worked for it.

does origin really matter?

As I sit here listening to the guitar gesture I just Mae for Austins 12_31- I actually don’t remember exactly how I made that, or how it came to be… and the I had the thought..does it really matter? Who cares what the origin is..it sounds amazing outright…and all that matters is the motif, its beauty..its essence..the exp3erience of listening to it…so much so that the desire to search for its origin sot of cheapens the motif…like the need to know how it was made, as well as the thinking that you must know where it came from in order to truly understand it, is a sort of failure to connect with the motif itself. Going further, the creation of it might sort of be mundane even - an accident, or just randomly trying shit out, sort of underwhelming. Which may make the Desiree not appreciate the motif anymore - but the origin of it should be independent of the thing itself…and another thing is that the origin isn’t actually just how I played the guitar and what plugins and settings I used- because then you could say, if you truly wanted to go deeper, and kept this line of thinking - what was the origin of that? What was the origin of my guitar playing? What was the origin of me? What was the origin of the guitar? And thus you go through this infinite rabbit whole of origin. Because creation is always tied to deferment. Everything is caused by something else to a certain extent. There’s basically an infinite regress. links with deferral of creation.-seperate essay? or goes well with origin?

This is exactly existence.

  • perhaps the search for the origin is to miss the point of reality?
  • or the search for the origin is the beauty of life itself, not so much the origin but the search for it.
  • or perhaps there is no origin- as reality is decentralized

we seem to have this fetish for the source code of things. religion and science try to find the “truth”, or what they define as the “truth” and origin of how life is. the theory of everything, how the universe came to be. as if it had some sort of significance. as if it usurps all the contents of life itself.

the concept of origin comes with an infinite regress. so perhaps another way to look at reality would be to see everything, including yourself and things around you- to have no origin- but simply spontaneously came into existence- and going further- spontaneously coming into existence at every moment in time- dying and being reborn every second. death and rebirth at each moment- link annihalation essay.

link to essay on reincarnation at every second:

this could be terrifying-as one could also argue that since things have no origin, and are spontaneously coming into existence/ thus the past was not real/ the past never happened. there is no past for any object. things come into i existence at every second.

but there is a subjective continuity at play here-. - so even if there is death and rebirth happening at each second, it appears to be following a higher system/order of existence of logic and reason- which is comforting. or one could argue that even one’s memories of a subjective continuity is being annihalated each second- but even that is following the higher system of logic- comforting.

and to link to the essay in intentionality- and this is a big one- the fact that there is subjective continuity- even if it was illusory or a trick of memory or the brain- the fact that the higer order of existence of logic and reason render this- appears to me to indicate an even higher order of existence- intention. god (replace this word) intends for life to be how it is right now- with all its beauty and storytelling. So the mechanics by which it occurs/ even if it points so some sort of suspicious, illusory, nihilistic means- gets usurped by the beauty of the intention of such an illusion- and therefore it is not an illusion, it is in fact- WRONG to call it an illusion, misleading.

just like the painter intends for the audience tolook past the canvas to be fully immersed in the art, in the same way that cinema intends for the audience to forget the theatre and be fully immersed in the film- THAT is the the point of the art. the artist of the movie intends for the audience to connect with it- if somebody went to to a movie and noticed or was fixated- at all times- the curtains around folk screen would be to miss the point of the movie. in fact it wouldn't even be the truth of the movie. same with life- to be constantly concerned with the mechanics of life- and to let THAT define the meaning and art of life is to miss the point of life, and thus is not the truth. the intention of why this “illusion” (illusion is the wrong word here- as films aren't illusions”) usurps and transcends the means by which the medium is rendered. this is why depersonalized and realized people may get depressed- as they are fixated on what appears to be an illusory reality?- reference essay on simulations and transcendence of meaning

perhaps from another angle- much of our suffering is predicated on life being real and serious- if we saw a movie and forgot that it was a movie- we would be horrified by the deaths we see in the screen- in the same way, if we saw life as a play, a stage with characters, perhaps we woukd not take it so seriously- like a movie. that's not to say that death doesn't matter or shouldn't matter- it's just our overly concerned nature of being is what kills our soul the most.

this is probably a seperate essay^is this related to philosophy of illusion? idk.

that the universe presents my dad to be as my dad-with all the love and intention-IS my dad. it transcends the mechanics by which i and my dad can be. transcends the idea that we are just the same person living simultaneously. so it's not deception by any means. the director hasn't deceived the audience to think that the contents in the film are ACTUALLY happening- that the actors aren't acting. - that's just a silly way to interpret things. the point of the film is beyond all that- it's the story, love, hero's journey, connection, relarionships, etc.

plus to have archetypes, a father figure, friendships and more may be necessary for ones thriving and flourishing in existence. to have an “other” is vital. because if we all embraced this radical notion of being th we same person in different bodies may inhibit our reality- collapse our reality in a certain extent. to see yourself in everything may be to reduce things down- or perhaps to expand yourself up.

another idea-

links to the idea of how two people- exact same souls- places in different bodies, in different coordinstes of the universe- would they still behave the same way? no- are they the same person? yes? no? perhaps it depends on how you define what a person is- how you define what a “different person” is. sort of related to free will here- as conditions seem to dictate or at least influence how the one soul behaves across different bodies. sort of like the same consciousness running on different algorhtyhms or software programs- or clocks winding down

the ego needs a solid ground to stand on

in some sense, different locations don't exist in infinite space, since there's no reference point. it is relative. this is harrowing. being trapped in infinite. trapped in the depths of infinite space. where everywhere is the same. so moving and not moving are the same- cause moving renders the same results. location and coordinates are relative to each other.

so if i move from one space to another- what is the absolute difference! none. you are always here. reference treadmill theory. Location is an illusion.