existential_250

existential_250

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out of site out of mind_why walls are so existenti

i find it rather existential that i can watch porn and jerk off in the bathroom of vivaldi music academy, with the only thing separating this as being OK vs something reprehensible and obscene is the door. Between what is acceptable and what is transgressive.

a very thin door. likely if i hung my cock out inside the door, i'm OK, but if i hung it even for a second outside the door, ii would lose every thing. talk about the space of it. the universe is strange in that way. how compartments segregate not just people and things but ethics. just the very nature of space. the space inside the bathroom is different from the space of the hallway.

how such a small thing like a thin veil of a wall is actually massive. so much gravity and meaning disposed by humans within the walls. that's why walls are so existential…

walls, and thus doors, are like portals which you go in and out of, that change the space of consciousness. of ethics, of behaviour, of identity. (think i had this identity of you being a different person in the living room vs the bathroom in another essay).

perhaps another essay (or same)--the secrecy of the mind, who you really are behind closed doors…

i guess the difference between being a “normal” person vs someone insane or predatory is knowing, or taking into account, the difference between inside the door and outside it.

it's not the actual act itself but the context in which the act lies.

likewise i could be jerking off right in front of my front door, and then in the very next moment go out to get food--which looks totally fine from an outsider perspective.

i should say that this is just one reason why walls can be seen as existential, but to even say that is a misguided thing. for walls are existential as self referential, deep, inexplicable..so to say there's a reason for it being existential is misleading, as if there were a “list” of reasons that can add up to argue why walls are existential. no. this is simply one angle i guess you can say.

so one could frame that the difference between sanity and insanity are the walls between rooms.