sunny/pasha photos they sent you
when i went into surgery in 2019, as i was in the surgery bed getting doses in general anaesthesia --
a large wave of terror washed over me, not over the fear of not waking up again, or the fear of something wrong happening in the surgery-- but just the idea that i- my sense of self- my consciousness- can be switched off. that something external to me, a chemical compound can switch me off on and off- as if i were some machine. to lose grip of control of oneself. to put oneself in the hands of something else. it really made me question what i really am.