i never knew of consciousness as a thing, as a substrate. it is incompatible with my ego...my ego doesn't think consciousness is real, and consciousness does not think ego is real. i'm scared of ego death. The fear of consciousness is the beginning of wisdom. for to live knowing that there may exist this open vast vat of consciousness is read of being a seperate ego is to destroy my world as i know it, and to destabilize my ego and my identity. [i believe i wrote about this in another essay].
to take acid...to confront truth so purely and distilled and all at once. open non dual space of consciousness....is terrifying. and makes no sense. i am afraid of this. the nature of consciousness