existential_298

existential_298

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the fear of being a burden_never being able to wal

at any moment my body can break down. the idea of growing old and healthywith a normal regular happy family is a lie. because bodies can break down at any second..and the existence of other people who’s bodies are mamed automatically creates a context in which normal people are not, in fact, normal - that nothing is normal anyway. it is that the very fact that agent orange like disabled people exist- that having that makes all lives irregular, just for that the fact that that peculiar entity and concept exists. i'm not talking about dualism, but just the mere presence of something off in reality makes everyone's reality off already. my mind and body are a ticking time bomb ready to go off. but is it? all is mind and i can overcome that.

we work so hard to build stability, yet everything is so unstable. i four myself looking for the feeling of normalcy..when what does “normalcy” even mean? it's like trying to catch hold of “average”, an average number doesn't actually exist, it is a phantom; a ghost between high and low numbers. the average of two non normal 6 and 8 yields a normalcy of 7, but 7 doesn't actually exist..

but realizing that a normal life shouldn't depress one.

further expanding in this essay:

thus wanting to be normal is a lie. averages are a lie. nobody is normal, everybody is quirky. and the average of all of us creates a phantom illusion of a normal person

extending:

thus this questions what “life” is, and what reality is. there is NO shared reality; simply approximations? idk.