i have never truly feel like a guitar player.
i have never truly integrated with such an identity.
i have a lingering sensation of it being an inauthentic representation
of who i am
and my vision with music.
and also of me being an inauthentic representation of what a guitar player is.
of being an imposter.
perhaps i am not good enough.
an empty embodiment of what it means to be an artist for myself.
a feeling of dissonance.
wanting to be a guitar player.
but not knowing what that really means.
a nebulous definition.
trying to find solid footing in one's craft in life.