technical_114

technical_114

status
developed
level
insight

I think whats causing this slump is similar, if not exactly the same feeling I had after my berklee audition. After spending months and months working on it, (and the song), and after finally completing it, I expected to feel this big reward, this feeling of accomplishment and feeling of lightness, as if some heavy stones lifted off my shoulders. But I didn’t, and I don’t after releasing the song…theres no feeling that I accomplished something. Why is that? Why isn’t there that happiness I expected? Going back to the audition, I wanted to feel this sense of relief, and I did for like 2 hours. I wanted to celebrate and wanted to feel good, I found myself sort of having to force it. Why is that? It’s the exact same story here. It was honesty worse after the berklee audition.

With my body, there was this feeling of accomplishment when I actually genuinely was in shape, and I knew I was. I had this feeling of progress, of real growth and conquering something. It’s strange because I’ve been getting hundreds and hundreds of positive responses, messages, etc but I don’t really feel much. I perhaps don’t understand the gravity of my work, cause I currently feel like there is no gravity, like it doesn’t really mean anything, therefore my mind comes to to irrational feeling that like has no meaning, but thats just a reflection of my state of mind regarding the release.

Maybe with the body, it was a long-term achievement, it was something that would last a long time, thats why I was happier. It was a gradual and hard process but the end result is much much longer.

I want to be a successful musician. The tour life looks absolutely amazing…traveling the world with your best friends..making music…meeting new people..

Its just right now it seems really isolated, being in a room for hours and hours a day for days and days a week for weeks for months…to just release a song online? To just get likes? Thats how I feel. I feel like what I’m doing doesn’t mean shit…even those comments saying how we are above AAL and how people say we are their favorite musicians..like it doesn’t hit home for me. It doesn’t feel like enough.

Its making me question why I’m even doing what Im doing, which is making me lose motivation and inspiration for being an aspiring musician. Like did I do this for a bunch of likes and comments?

I guess Im just not feeling the love of my music connecting with people. Im just not realizing that thousands upon thousands of people have listened to my music and have felt touched by it. Facebook, Instagram and other social media comments just don’t connect with me as well as real life. Because Facebook isn’t real life. It’s getting out there and just being with people, thats real life.

If all those people who viewed, liked and comments on my music and were actually there in person to tell me to keep going and that I’m their favorite artist. I BET I would be more driven and fulfilled. Because THATS real. The connection is there. Checking Facebook activity everyday is just depressing. It’s so sterile. I feel cut off from the world. Disconnected from people.

Theres definitely this heavy element of lonilness. Its mostly just me making and producing the music. Nobody to celebrate it with.

  • overhwleming?
  • self-doubt
  • burnt out

I felt that connection when I was in that Camp with Animals As Leaders…that feeling of belonging, of community, of love and connection. This feeling that I was worthy and I mattered. I remember looking up at the stars and saying “thank you universe”. It was real. It was one of the rare times I didn’t want to be anywhere else but here. At that moment, I knew I wanted to be a musician…to be just like them..to live the dream.

  • appreciate how far you’ve come

persistents